Lies, Cheats, Steal
‘I would like to make a toast to lying, cheating and stealing. If you want to lie, lie for a friend. If you want to cheat, cheat death. And if you want to steal, steal a heart’
“Wow, Jae. This is the mother of all cheesy speeches,” Yoochun claimed as his eyes skimmed over the card.
“Oh shut up,” Jaejoong flipped him off, studiously scrutinizing the prompt card in case if he missed anything.
Yoochun pouted before he stretched his body lazily, bored beyond astronomical level.
He tried nudging Jaejoong to gauge some reaction out of the pale young man, but Jaejoong simply shrugged him off.
Realizing he wasn’t going to get any reaction out of that friend of his, he opted to lift his butt from the chair and went to the kitchen; perhaps, it would be better to bother Junsu instead.
Once he entered the kitchen, his eyes fell on Junsu tasting a variety of morsels (looking as though he was scarred from life and would never be hungry again) while Yunho, Yoochun’s childhood best friend, was sitting beside him, busy talking to the phone.
Junsu sent him a look, asking about Jaejoong and why he wasn't there with him.
“He’s busy writing some stupid best-man speech,” Yoochun answered lazily before he plopped right beside Junsu in a kitchen stool.
Junsu nodded understandingly before he went back to tasting a small sample of Red Velvet cake their caterer just sent.
Yoochun pinched some of it and scowled when his taste buds were filled with overly-sweet sensation.
“Tell me about it,” Junsu groaned. “The cakes are either too sweet or too sweet. And it doesn’t help that our groom here-“ he motioned towards Yunho who was busy yelling at someone over the phone (“No! No! I told you clearly the motives of the venue should be deep red and white!”) “-is being indecisive. I hope Jaefinishes soon, he always has the best tastes when it comes to food.”
Yoochun nodded lazily, before his eyes traveled to his preoccupied best friend. It felt surreal that Yunho was getting married now. Yes, Yunho had always been the more responsible one between the two of them, even when they were btoh still young.
Yunho was the head boy in their school. The captain of the soccer team. The charming straight A’s student whom every teacher adored. Yoochun on the other hand, was that sleazy and oily-haired boy, who never seemed to bother to bath before he went to school. He was the kind who would walk on the school hallway with his shirt untucked, glaring at anyone who dared to look at him a second longer than what he’d consider appropriate.
It was a miracle that he and Yunho clicked. Yunho was the water to his fire. He was the only one who can shut Yoochun up everytime he was in his bullying mode. Yes, Yoochun would try to fight him of course (“Who are you to tell me what to do?! Are you my daddy? Daddy Yunho?!” Yoochun growled, refusing to release the collar of a nerd he had just and still is beating up), but Yunho would always win (“No. But I’m sure your real daddy would love to know about the stack of your step brother’s nudes under your bed, that you secretly took and secretly used to blackmail him to give you his pocket money every month.” Yunho calmly says. Yoochun shuts up).
So yes, it was not surprising that Saint Yunho got married first between them two. But that didn’t make it any less surreal to Yoochun. It felt like they were entering a new phase of their friendship. After the wedding, there’d be no more boys night out. No more strip club (Yoochun had actually forced Yunho to go with him the few times they actually went there. Seul Gi, Yunho’s girlfriend at the time was appalled). And no more Yoochun staying over at Yunho’s apartment in his drunken stupor.
The sound of Yunho smashing his phone to the table awaken him from his daze. “I need to go out for a while. I told them clearly, deep red and white. But no, they just had to make it pale red and white. Pale red is just pink, isn't it?” Yunho deadpanned.
Yoochun sniggered. “My God, Yunho. You sounded like Seul Gi just now. ‘Yunnie, this is magenta not red!’” Yoochun shrieked bitchily, sounding really close to Seul Gi.
Junsu slapped his arm softly, chiding him, but there was an amuse quirk in his lips. “But Yunho, it’s so late. It’s 2 am in the morning, can’t you just go tomorrow?” the nicer one of the two (Junsu of course) said.
“I’ll be extra careful. Don’t worry,” Yunho smiled reassuringly to Junsu before he groaned, “Ugh, this is the worst bachelor party ever!”
“Tell me about it!” Yoochun cackled. That earned him a smack at the back of his head from Yunho when the latter walked past him to get out of the kitchen.
Junsu giggled softly when he saw Yoochun’s sour expression as he rubbed the sore part of his head.
Yoochun vaguely heard the sound of the front door being shut, a sign that Yunho had gone out. The maternal instinct deep inside him wished for Yunho to at least drink some caffeine before he left.
“You deserves it!” the giggling Junsu stole his attention.
“Stop laughing, you moron. Go and do your things!” Yoochun snapped, motioning his head to the gigantic amount of samples placed on paper plates that were laid scattered the kitchen island. There were too many of them, they had to stack some of it in the kitchen cabinets.
“Later. I’m so full I think my belly’s gonna burst out! I only kept sampling because Yunho was there and I don’t want him to feel bad,” Junsu smiled tiredly before he looked out of the kitchen and into the living room where a certain solemn looking Kim Jaejoong is sitting at. Junsu’s smile disappeared right away, replaced with a concerned look.
“Are you sure it’s okay if we let him write the best-man speech? Don't you think he's got enough pressure already?” he whispered softly.
Yoochun, whose expression was sour earlier turned solemn before he too stole a glance at the lone figure draped on the couch outside.
He shrugged. “I don’t know. He said and I quote, ‘You lots are a bunch of idiots and therefore cannot be trusted with important thing like this. Yunho has only me to count on to, at least I won’t ruin the wedding,’” he mimicked Jaejoong’s voice, sounding dangerously close to the handsome guy outside.
Junsu looked at him in amazement. “You know you can make a really good impersonator!”
Yoochun smiled sleazily at his innocent wonder. “You know, that’s not the only thing I’m talented at,” he suggestively said, before he winked.
The sight of him winking reminds Junsu of bugs and creepy crawlies so he shuddered and pushed Yoochun away from him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“It is time for the groom's best friend to deliver his speech. If you please, Mr. Park,” the MC of the ceremony announces.
Yoochun crossed his arm across his chest angrily, looking close to a brat, when Jaejoong stood up on his behalf.
Jaejoong heaved a breath, hands clutching close to the prompt card he studiously prepared during the stag night, as he walk his way to the podium. There are murmurs on the crowd because the best man wasn’t supposed to be him him. The best man was supposed to be Park Yoochun, the groom’s closest friend.
Jaejoong braced himself and adjust the microphone to his height. “Hi,” he grinned. “Sorry, I know you expected somebody else, but I have something to say. To the groom,” he glanced at the stumped Yunho when he said that.
“I know a lot of people said that Yoochun is Yunho’s bestest friend. And him, being the best man of this wedding is a proof to that. But I just want Yunho to know that, for me, my bestest friend is him. As for Mr. Park.... Hmm, Mr Park is his best partner in crime." Jaejoong gave the crowd a cheeky grin while both Yoochun and Yunho smiled. (Junsu remained sulking in a corner.) "So let me make a toast to lying, cheating and stealing,” he began, smiling serenely.
“If you want to lie,”
Teenage Jaejoong and Yunho were sitting next to each other in the school’s library, with Jaejoong gazing at Yunho’s face more than he did to the book he was currently reading. He didn’t even notice the presence of a certain someone, sliding right next to the seat Yunho sat.
“So, Jaejoong,” Yoochun announced so suddenly, with that customary grin of his. “I heard this from Junsu who heard it from Chang Min who heard it from Kyuhyun who heard it from Min Woo who told Kyuhyun who told Chang Min who in turns told Junsu who told me that you said you liked Yunho. Is that true?”
Jaejoong paled while Yunho blinked at the two of them blankly. ‘No Min Woo that big mouth!’
“What?” Yunho asked with a heavy frown, clearly confused.
“Min Woo said Jaejoong liked you, you idiot,” Yoochun rolled his eyes at him before he turned to Jaejoong with great interest.
Jaejoong felt as though he was choking on his own spit. Yunho turned at him as well, waiting for his answer with his eye brows raised. Jaejoong fixed his glasses before he gulped.
Just as he does that, the door of the library was opened again, and in came Bae Seul Gi in her tight cheerleading uniform. “Yun, my practice is over!”
Confidence crushed, Jaejoong looked at the floor and gave out a straight, “No.”
“-lie for a friend.”
“If you want to cheat,”
Jaejoong was sobbing. He ignored that tremor in his frail body as he continued running, uncaring even if the lenses in his glasses were fogged up by his tears.
Behind him, he could hear the sound of someone chasing after him.
“Jaejoong, wait!” it was Yunho’s voice.
Jaejoong never thought there’d come a day where he’d run away from Yunho.
“Jaejoong, please, listen!” Yunho begged as he chased after him.
Yunho was absent today, he heard he was sick. So Jaejoong, being the love-sick fool he was, decided to bring him his notes (he wrote two notes for every classes today just for Yunho) and homework.
When he entered Yunho’s room however, he was met with the sight of Yunho making out with his girlfriend.
He immediately bolted. Knowing the fact that the two were dating was one thing, but seeing them going at it physically was too much for Jaejong’s fragile fan boy heart. He knew he had no right to be sad, Yunho was just his friend after all. He was not even his best friend, for goodness sake. They were not even that close.
He wasn’t running at first, but when he realized Yunho was chasing after him, he ran.
His tears blurred his eyes and suddenly there was a bright flash of light blinding his sight. It was followed by a loud honk.
Jaejoong turned to his right to find a monster truck less than a metre away from him. He froze.
Just as he thought this was the end of him, he felt someone embracing him tightly and pushing him to the side of the road.
He clenched his eyes shut, in fear. And when he realized he wasn’t feeling any physical pain, he opened his eyes, only to found Yunho on top of him in a sidewalk.
“-cheat death.”
“And if you want to steal,
“Yunho?” he whispered.
Yunho groaned in relief before he buried Jaejoong in a really tight hug.
There was the sound of people gathering around them, asking if they were alright. There was also the sound of the truck driver apologizing profusely, but the only thing Jaejoong could hear was the heavy breath of Yunho on his neck.
After a while, Yunho pulled away from him, eyes glassy before his lips formed a really wide smile.
“I broke up with her…”
“-steal a heart.”
The sound of applause filled the wedding venue as the teary Jaejoong smiled at the crowd and bow. Yunho was teary-eyed as well, Yoochun noticed.
“Aww, Yoochunnie, are you crying?” the crying Junsu teases him.
“Shut up!” he snapped.
“That was really sweet. But I don’t get it. Wasn’t the best man speech supposed to be made by the best man? Why is this delivered by- well, the other groom?” Jaejoong’s mother asked.
“Because, he said and I quote, ‘You lots are a bunch of idiots and therefore cannot be trusted with important thing like this. Yunho has only me to count on to, at least I will not ruin the wedding,’” Yoochun mimicked Jaejoong’s voice again, and in which Jaejoong’s and Yunho’s mothers responded with a laugh.
“Shut it, Chun,” Yunho scolded him, but there was no anger in his voice, only happiness.
“Oh, sorry for criticizing your bride, groomzilla,” Yoochun teased back.
Yunho laughed, his love-filled eyes trained on Jaejoong on the stage again before he gets up and heads towards him.
The lovely wedding ends with the couple kissing deeply on the stage, and a very very drunk and angry Bae Seul Gi. (“That bitch stole my boyfriend! It’s supposed to be me over there,” she slurred. “He was already breaking up with you, you freak. And then you decided to rape him in his own house. Poor Jae hyung must’ve been scarred for life! If they actually died that day, I’d bury you and your fake melons along with them!” Yoochun nastily replies. Seul Gi gasps at his audacity while Junsu looked at him admiringly. “Yoochunnie, you’re really good at scolding people!” Junsu complimented. “That’s not the only thing I’m good at, you know~” Yoochun winked. And this time, Junsu didn’t push him away.)
THE END
AN: There will be loads of typos cause your author here is lazy af. And that is a quote actually, the 'lying cheating' thing. I just don't remember who says it >.<
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